The Man and I spent two hours on the phone last night. He was trying to give me what he described as a "progress report" on his feelings.

The Man said that he was not progressing into this relationship as easily as he had thought. He is afraid to have any physical realtionship with me for fear that he will in some way feel like he's using me for sex. He says this despite telling me that I fill a void in him. Again, it's the children he is worried about. For the second time in our relationship, I have inspired an epiphany. I told him that if he wants our relationship to progress and become a natural part of his life that the children have to be part of that. If he expects to keep us separate then he has to schedule time around them. Of course, this conversation took two hours, so you can understand that I'm condensing it and telling you the highlights.

The Man is once again completely freaked out. He asked me how I do this to him. How do I manage to disect him and force him to look at himself? Because I care. He realized last night that I may have just given him a reason why he has not had a relationship in seven years. But when it comes right down to it, he will sacrifice any happiness for the kids. And he doesn't want to say "This is what Daddy wants, so can we all try to make it work?" Again, I think he's trying to give them way too much information. For god's sake, just lets get them used to me before you spring that on them! He said that he wasn't sure that he was willing to "gamble" the kids feelings to have a relationship.

I'm very tired. We were up late talking. Apparently both of us had prepared to be together last night and then he got cold feet. He will be going to the charity event today, but will be leaving early to take the kids to the movies because he was unable to get a sitter for them. I told him that I dreaded having these talks with him. The epiphany comes and then he runs away. I'm feeling like that's what I have to look forward to this time too.

Why does this have to be so hard?

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