<< 47 year old child >>
2007-02-01, 6:08 p.m.

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT. If you're going to be offended, stop reading now and close the window....

I did it. I ended it with The Man.

Friday we had a long conversation and again, I made another epiphany happen. It now occurs to him, after my pounding it into his head for an hour and a half, that the reason he hasn't had a relationship in seven years is because he won't let it happen. Whenever anyone gets too close, he ends it. Again, using "the kids" as an excuse. I hung up the phone knowing that it was over, but letting him think on it for a while. He said he wasn't sure he was ready to "gamble" the kids feelings on something he wants. He couldn't see telling them "this is what daddy wants, please try to make it work".

So last night we had another conversation where he said he thought he'd told me he was happy with our current arrangement of talking every day and occasionally going out, with no physical attachment. He said he would feel like a it was a "friends with benefits" thing, and that's not what he wants. He actually tried to tell me that he had no idea I wanted more than that. He said he "just can't give more" right now and can't promise anything in the future. He's either stupid or blind or a liar. In any case, I hung up the phone on him. Then he texted me, wanting to know if he should "just shut up for now and wait for a time that it's OK to say hi and ask how you are? Or?" "Not trying to be sarcastic. Just want to make life as less sucky as possible for you right now".

I didn't answer. He's a big boy. He can figure it out for himself.

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