Something has changed. I mean, I'm still feeling strongly about "The Man" (since he is no longer my master, I will refer to him in this way again). He is very important to me, but something inside me has been broken and I'm not sure if he can ever repair it. Though we are technically "back together", I have yet to lay eyes on him. He is very busy - again. We had a long talk last night, but it was all about stuff in our lives rather than about us. We are back to that platonic friendship that leaves me frustrated. I knew it was going to happen, and strangely I'm not bothered. Since he is no longer my master, I don't have to communicate my every move. This leaves me free to explore other ventures. It's strange though. I knew what was expected of me as his slave and I have no idea what is expected of me in this relationship.

I have been thinking alot about taking a slave of my own. I'm very drawn to the idea, especially knowing what I know now. I'm also struck at how difficult it will be to find the right person. A good fit is very rare. Those that find it are very lucky indeed. I'm very wary of men who offer themselves to me without so much as a meeting. How can you wish to please me so much when we've never met? It's downright scary to me! I had to "hide" online from a guy yesterday who kept referring to me as "My Mistress" even though I told him repeatedly to stop calling me that.

The Pupil is still very much on my mind. Our communications lately have been professional, even though he recently told me that he was not "blowing me off" and that we would "hook up" soon. I would love the opportunity to sample him, but would love it more if I could make him my slave. The first thing I would do is purchase him a chastity device, the filthy little whore. He never seems to turn down a chance to fuck. He has just the right amount of attitude and cockiness that I'm looking for. Unfortunately, I can see that this very combination is harder to convince to become a slave at all. He has already told me that he will not wear a collar. I can see that he believes himself to be more in control than I am, and that is a challenge. I will let this one be for a while and concentrate on other things. But I will never pass up an opportunity to fantasize about seeing him stripped naked and turned over my knee. Or better yet, have him strip down, blindfold him, restrain him to the chair in my living room and whip him with the crop, leaving red welts across his ass.

I need to go make dinner. My libido is in overdrive....

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