There's so much going on in my head right now. i don't know if it's hormonal or what, but it's driving me crazy! i'm a basket case of emotion.

Friday was my birthday. i had taken the day off and knew Master would probably come by. i showered and put on just enough clothes to keep most of me warm - with His permission, of course. i found some thigh-high opaque hose with bows on the front, so i was wearing those and i had on a bolero sweater. The rest of me was OK.

i knew He would not be here before 8am because He had to see the kids off to school. He finally arrived at about 10:45am. i was right in the middle of searching the internet for things for school and listening to my iPod when He snuck up behing me and scared the hell out of me. He brought me a bouquet of pink roses and stargazer lillies, a chocolate cake and the most beautiful card. Inside He wrote:

"The more we get to know each other, the more important you become in my life. Thank you for your gifts, your time, and your patience. XOXOXO R"

He also brought me the revised "Rules" These are the permanent rules for us. There are no longer 128, but now 105. i read them over quickly and did not like some of them. i decided not to elaborate for Him, but He knew i was disturbed.

We spent the morning together. We sat on the couch and talked and kissed for a bit. He asked me what i wanted to do for the day. He had to leave at 2pm when the kids get home from school. i told Him that spending time with Him was all i needed. He took off his shoes and pants and told me to play with Him for a bit. i asked Him if He would spank me. He told me to suck Him for a few minutes and then He would gladly spank me.

i got up and went to my knees in front of Him, taking Him in my mouth. It was the first time He really drove Himself into the back of my throat Himself. Usually He lets me take it my pace. i got the feeling He was exceptionally turned on. He asked me to get up and go to the bedroom. He had me take off my sweater and then told me to put my thighs up against the bed and bend over. He ran His fingers up my pussy, noting how wet i was. Using His hands only, He smacked my bare ass very hard. After about two, He asked me "What are you supposed to say?" The new rules say that with every stroke He gives me, i am to say "YES, THANK YOU!" i had forgotten, so He reminded me. i lost count of the number of times He smacked me, but the more He did, the more excited He was. When He finished, He told me to lie on the bed. He lay next to me, holding me for a few minutes. He then told me to suck Him until i was wet again, and then mount Him. i don't think i have ever had such an orgasm as i did then. He let me go first and then followed soon after.

We went to lunch and then came back here. He had to leave to see to the children. He left me very sad. i love having Him here and miss Him dearly when He is gone. i decided to go shopping. While i was out, He texted me and asked if i would like to go to the movies with Him. Of course i said yes! i went home and dressed again. When i am out with Him, i must always be accessible, even if He does not use me. i cannot wear undergarments that cover my ass, pussy or breasts. i bought the thigh-highs to keep my legs warm but allow the rest of me to remain bare. i put on a skirt and sweater and met Him at the door. We had a lovely evening, though the movie was not all that good.

While we were still lying in bed earlier, He had asked me what disturbed me about the Rules. i asked to stay silent because i really needed to sort out how i feel about them. He talked a bit about bringing other people into the picture and said that He knew that at some point i would wonder how, if He loved me, He could watch me be with other people. He said He thought that i would have a hard time cumming with others because of it. i know that's true. And that's what disturbs me. When i read the Rules, i wonder how on earth He could want another relationship with someone else. He is still allowed to have one. i could have a relationship with someone else with His permission and i would have to tell Him EVERYTHING that happens, and He can let another Master take me for a while to give me further instruction. These things are a part of our permanent Rules. This hurts me so much. But I'm getting ahead of myself. He has no other woman in His life. He may never. But the possibility exists that He may meet someone and decide to date her. And i have to accept this. At this point, if it happened, i think i would leave Him as my Master. It would break my heart. And every day, I fall just a tiny bit more in love with Him.

See my problem?

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